There was a time I didn’t think I’d ever become a parent.
because, deep down, I believed children were burdens, just like I was once made to feel.
But life has a funny way of opening portals you didn’t expect.
When I found out I was pregnant with my first baby at 18, I felt fear, of course. The uncertainty was loud. But even louder was this instant, unshakable bond. A pull in my chest, like I already knew this tiny being. Like they were always meant to arrive and I was meant to become someone entirely new.
🌱 Becoming a Parent… and Meeting My Inner Child
Fast forward to today: I’m a mom of three. A newborn, a toddler, and a tween. And with each milestone they reach, I meet another hidden piece of myself — the part that never got to feel seen, soothed, safe, or supported.
During one therapy session, I was exhausted. I vented to my therapist about how hard it is to parent different than how I was raised when your brain is fighting you the whole way. About how every moment of discipline or boundary setting becomes a mental wrestling match:
“Should I yell? Should I let it go? Am I being too soft? Too strict?”
She looked at me and asked softly:
“Do you think you’re parenting your inner child?”
Then after a moment of silence:
“If you were your own child… would you feel like you’re a good enough parent?”
My tears just started streaming. Because the truth is, that’s exactly what I’ve been doing.
⚔️ The Hardest Battle Wasn’t My Kids—It Was Me
Every time I choose to take a deep breath instead of snapping…
Every time I kneel to my toddler’s level instead of punishing from above…
Every time I hug my tween after a hard conversation…
…I’m not just parenting them. I’m healing me.
I’m showing the little version of myself that love doesn’t have to hurt. That safety can exist inside a home. That softness isn’t weakness, and that connection matters more than control.
🛠 What Re-Parenting Looks Like for Me
It’s not always graceful. But it’s powerful. Here are a few ways I practice re-parenting while raising my kids:
- Validating emotions I wasn’t allowed to have as a child (“It’s okay to cry. I’m here.”)
- Setting boundaries with compassion, not fear
- Breaking cycles of shame, guilt, and silence
- Apologizing when I mess up—and meaning it
- Letting my kids say no and teaching them that their voice matters
- Giving my inner child the safety she never had—through the way I treat my children now
It could look something like:
- Giving Myself the Gentleness I Give My Kids
- Old Me: “Stop crying. Get over it.”
- New Me: “You’re overwhelmed. Let’s take a breath together.”
- Rewriting My “Discipline” Script
- Old Me: Punishing = “teaching respect.”
- New Me: “Big feelings are okay. Hurting others isn’t.” → Models emotional regulation.
- Letting Go of the “Perfect Parent” Fantasy
- used to think good moms never yelled, never lost patience, never resented their kids.
Now? I apologize when I mess up. I say “I’m learning too.” And I remind myself: Progress, not perfection.
❤️ I’m Not a Perfect Parent—But I’m a Healing One
Some days, the old scripts still play. The urge to shout. The impatience. The guilt. Slowly, I learned to pause and ask:
“What would I have needed to hear when I was little?”
And then I try to offer that to my kids, and to myself.
Because re-parenting isn’t about erasing the past.
It’s about rewriting the future—one moment of gentleness at a time.
💬 Closing Thought
If you’re also parenting with trauma in your rear-view mirror, I see you. You’re not broken—you’re breaking the cycle. And that? That’s revolutionary.
To every parent re-parenting themselves while raising their kids:
You are doing the most powerful work of all. You deserve a star 🌟
