My Parenting and Mental Health Toolkit 🔦
Parenting is already a full-time quest. Throw in mental health challenges like ADHD, bipolar disorder, and the pressure of trying to hold it all together — and it feels like juggling flaming swords while blindfolded. 🎭🔥
So how do I keep my cool, manage my symptoms, and still show up for my kids, my work, and myself?
I’ve built a toolkit. Not a perfect one — but it’s mine. It helps me survive the chaos, and sometimes, even thrive in it. I want to share it with you in case you need tools of your own.
🧘♀️ 1. Deep Breathing (It’s Not Just for Yogis)
When my toddler spills yogurt for the third time or my brain is spiraling with all the “what-ifs,” I go back to basics: breathing.
Why it works:
Deep breathing activates the parasympathetic nervous system — the part of your body that signals safety and calm. Just 60 seconds of slow, intentional breathing can lower cortisol (your stress hormone) and bring your heart rate down.
→ Try the 4-7-8 method: Inhale 4s, hold 7s, exhale 8s. Repeat 3-5 times (depends on how “mad” you are).
📚 Reference: Ma, X., Yue, Z. Q., Gong, Z. Q., Zhang, H., Duan, N. Y., Shi, Y. T., Wei, G. X., & Li, Y. F. (2017). The Effect of Diaphragmatic Breathing on Attention, Negative Affect and Stress in Healthy Adults. Frontiers in psychology, 8, 874. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2017.00874
🦶 2. Grounding Techniques (For When My Brain Won’t Stop Racing)
When I feel disoriented or overwhelmed — especially during sensory overload or a mood shift — grounding brings me back.
What I use:
- 5-4-3-2-1 technique (if you have the mental capacity):
- 5 things I can see
- 4 I can touch
- 3 I can hear
- 2 I can smell
- 1 I can taste
- Texture focus (rubbing a cold stone, soft blanket, etc.)
📚 Reference: Tull, M. (2024b, August 16). What grounding techniques can you use for PTSD?. Verywell Mind. https://www.verywellmind.com/grounding-techniques-for-ptsd-2797300
🧠 3. Name It to Tame It
When I’m spiraling or snapping, I pause and label the emotion. “I feel overwhelmed.” “This is anxiety.” It helps distance me from the feeling.
Why it works:
Labeling activates the prefrontal cortex and reduces amygdala activity — the part responsible for emotional reactivity.
📚 Reference: Lieberman, M. D., Eisenberger, N. I., Crockett, M. J., Tom, S. M., Pfeifer, J. H., & Way, B. M. (2007). Putting feelings into words: affect labeling disrupts amygdala activity in response to affective stimuli. Psychological science, 18(5), 421–428. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-9280.2007.01916.x
🗓️ 4. Routine = My Brain’s BFF
ADHD makes unstructured days feel like falling down a glitchy cliff. So even the lightest routine — same wake-up time, same mealtimes — gives my brain a sense of safety.
- Google Calendar + color coding
- Alarms for EVERYTHING (I personally use ALARMY)
- Visual boards for the kids (and sometimes for me)
📚 Reference: Barkley, R. A. (2011). “Executive Functioning and Self-Regulation in ADHD.” The ADHD Report, https://www.russellbarkley.org/factsheets/ADHD_EF_and_SR.pdf
💬 5. Connection & Co-Op Play
Whether it’s a game night, a check-in with my husband, or texting a friend — staying connected keeps my emotional tank full.
Bonus: laughing together is literally healing. Shared humor and connection release oxytocin💖, the love/bonding hormone that helps regulate mood and stress.
📚 Reference: Dunbar, R. I. M. (2012). The social role of laughter and humor. Evolutionary Psychology, 10(2), 299-321.
🧰 Final Thoughts
I don’t always get it right. Some days, my tools are scattered across the floor like LEGO pieces (ouch). But every time I reach for them, I remind myself: I’m trying. I’m learning. I’m parenting while managing my mental health — and that’s no small feat.
If you’re also navigating this path, know that you’re not alone. There’s no shame in building a toolkit. In fact, it’s one of the bravest things you can do.
Oh…of course, my emotional support zoo 🐈⬛
📚 Sources / References
- Ma, X., Yue, Z. Q., Gong, Z. Q., Zhang, H., Duan, N. Y., Shi, Y. T., Wei, G. X., & Li, Y. F. (2017). The Effect of Diaphragmatic Breathing on Attention, Negative Affect and Stress in Healthy Adults. Frontiers in psychology, 8, 874. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2017.00874
- Tull, M. (2024b, August 16). What grounding techniques can you use for PTSD?. Verywell Mind. https://www.verywellmind.com/grounding-techniques-for-ptsd-2797300
- Lieberman, M. D., Eisenberger, N. I., Crockett, M. J., Tom, S. M., Pfeifer, J. H., & Way, B. M. (2007). Putting feelings into words: affect labeling disrupts amygdala activity in response to affective stimuli. Psychological science, 18(5), 421–428. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-9280.2007.01916.x
- Barkley, R. A. (2011). “Executive Functioning and Self-Regulation in ADHD.” The ADHD Report, https://www.russellbarkley.org/factsheets/ADHD_EF_and_SR.pdf
- Dunbar, R. I. M. (2012). The social role of laughter and humor. Evolutionary Psychology, 10(2), 299-321.